Rant Sesh Numero Two

Overwhelmed.
With what? School just started today.
That's it, I'm overwhelmed with NOTHING. & it stresses me out!

Lately I've been feeling like I've accomplished nothing in my 20 years of existance. zip. zero. nada. I've done nothing. & now I'm in this huge rush to get things started & there's so many things I want to do! Make new friends, PNB internship (waiting on response), get a job (waiting on internship), take dance classes on Main St (have to go see them), waiting to get out of here & get a new REAL apartment and a job(s) that would eventually hopefully lead to NYC or California...I feel like I'm having to wait on a lot, but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't wait & should just go because I'm wasting my time.

People keep asking me what I want to do...to be honest...I want to perform. I want to dance & I want to act. I won't tell anybody that though because then I feel like I'm pressured to do something awesome or else they'll laugh at me. & then there's that fear of not making it or that I'm not trying hard enough or not taking the right steps. If I don't get to perform however, I'd love to be working the camera.
If that doesn't work out...I could be an awesome house wife...& I've thought about opening a formal/wedding/pageant/prom dress shop...I dooo love dresses. But I still won't feel like I've accomplished anything & that I've failed to reach other people's expectations of me...& mine.

My ultimate dream job though to be honest...what I might could see me doing, maybe...I'd looove to be on a weekly show...like a funny light show that everybody keeps up with from week to week. I'd LOVE it. You become this character, the audience gets the feeling they know you, you possibly have a steady job for a few years, and a good income (if it's a good show). I'd be in heaven.

BUT as of right now...I'm waiting...waiting to move into a new apartment...waiting to hear from a possible internship...waiting to see if I should get a job instead...waiting to move away...waiting to do something. & I'm going NUTS.

NEXT RANT SESH SUBJECT: Alcohol.